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Submitted on
July 14, 2009
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Velvet and crimson
Like the tides of the moon
You can’t see me
I can feel you.

I’ll break your heart
You’ll break my wrists
We’ll refuse to die
Without clenched fists.

And you’ll forget me,
Like they all do.
But I’ll be here
Longing for you.
I wrote this a few days ago and thought it was pretty good. What do you think>?
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:iconpietzsche:
pietzsche Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2011
(Found my way here from ED, but...) This is pretty good, I think it could do with another syllable in the second last line so the metre resolves, "still" is probably too obvious, but you could get rid of "but" and maybe use a two syllable word...
all the best :D
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:iconloganxman:
loganxman Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2010
verynice, post more? <3 :33
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:icondarkharlequin11:
darkharlequin11 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
This really spoke to me for some reason.
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:iconenvase672:
Envase672 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
Nice poem. It's pretty good. =3
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:iconfoldspindlemutilate:
FoldSpindleMutilate Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2010
It says a lot for a short poem. I like it:)
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:iconakatsuki-dawn:
Akatsuki-Dawn Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2010
This is awesome. I kinda wanna hear it as a song. It could be the chorus.
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:icondorianthorn:
dorianthorn Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2009
I liked this, reminds me of some of the lyrics I write, same general mood to it :)
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:iconjiss:
jiss Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2009
Lovely.
<3.
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:iconsticklegs:
sticklegs Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2009
This is very good, love it. :heart:
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:icondarkangel836:
darkangel836 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2009
I'm not one to read poetry all that much, but this is pretty good. Keep posting more, please! :D
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